he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
