He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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