I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
