Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
