Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
