Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
