haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
