Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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