Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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