Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
