Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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