my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
