You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
