this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
