remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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