there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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