how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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