we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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