omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
