Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
