Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
