Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
