so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
