I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
