At least make sure they are 18
Why
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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