I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
