I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you win again, gameday.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
