Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
