theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I licked your asshole in confidence.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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