he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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