actually, I'm a sock model
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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