smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm just crazy horny about you
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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