I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
