What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
