you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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