Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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