Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
