i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
