You work out of a Hotel?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
