So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
