Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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