You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just gargled with NyQuil
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
