Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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