your room smells of hookers.
And success
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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