New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
