So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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