We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
