I faked an abortion last night.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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