matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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