i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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